Starting a non-preferred task can feel overwhelming or frustrating for many children, especially those who need extra support with transitions or motivation. Teaching kids practical coping steps helps them manage their feelings and take positive action. Here are 6 helpful steps to support children when they have to start a task they don’t want to do, such as homework, cleaning up, or other chores.
1. Notice It’s Hard
Help your child recognize and name their feelings about the task. Saying or thinking “This is hard” or “I don’t want to start” helps them acknowledge their emotions without shame.
2. Pause and Breathe
Encourage your child to take a moment to pause and take deep breaths. This simple step can calm overwhelming feelings and prepare them to think clearly.
3. Ask for Help
Teach your child to ask for support when needed. They might say “Can you help me?” or “I don’t understand” using speech, gestures, or AAC. Adults can then offer guidance or break the task into smaller parts.
4. Choose How to Start
Offer your child choices about how to begin the task. For example, they might choose to start with drawing before writing, or doing a small part first. Giving choices increases their sense of control and motivation.
5. Take a Break
If the child feels stuck or frustrated, allow a short break with a timer or a calming activity. This helps them reset without feeling pressured to continue immediately.
6. Try Again
Encourage your child to return to the task when ready. Celebrate their effort and remind them it’s okay to try again and take small steps forward.
Parents can support these steps by previewing tasks ahead of time, using simple language, modeling helpful phrases, and acknowledging their child’s feelings without pressure. Offering realistic choices and allowing breaks helps children feel safe and capable.
For more strategies on coping with everyday challenges, see our posts on when someone else is using my favorite item and when a toy is unavailable.
How do you help your child get started on tasks they don’t want to do?
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