Handling mistakes during play is an important social skill for young children, including autistic children and those who need extra communication or emotional support. Learning how to understand, communicate about, and respond to mistakes helps children feel safe, respected, and confident in social situations.
Why This Skill Matters
Mistakes happen often during play and learning. How children handle these moments affects their confidence, relationships, and willingness to try new things. When children learn to accept mistakes kindly and communicate about them, they build resilience and positive social connections.
What May Make This Hard
- Feeling upset or overwhelmed by sensory or emotional reactions to mistakes.
- Difficulty recognizing or labeling the mistake.
- Uncertainty about how to say what happened or ask for help.
- Worry about how others will react or fear of being judged.
What Parents May Notice
- The child may get frustrated or shut down after a mistake.
- The child might avoid trying again or give up quickly.
- The child may not communicate the mistake or ask for help.
- The child could react strongly if others point out the mistake.
What the Child Can Learn
Here are 4 important social skills for handling mistakes during play:
- Recognize and Name the Mistake: Help the child notice what happened and use words, signs, AAC, or gestures to say, “I made a mistake” or “Oops.”
- Express Feelings Calmly: Teach simple ways to show feelings like frustration or surprise without getting overwhelmed, such as taking deep breaths or using a calm-down signal.
- Respond Kindly to Self and Others: Encourage the child to say or think, “It’s okay,” “Everyone makes mistakes,” or “Can you help me?” This builds kindness and understanding.
- Try Again or Choose a New Activity: Support the child in deciding to try the task again, ask for help, or move on to something else they enjoy.
Helpful Words or Phrases
- “I made a mistake.”
- “Oops!”
- “Can you help me?”
- “It’s okay.”
- “I want to try again.”
- “I’m all done.”
How Parents Can Practice
- Model calm responses to your own mistakes, narrating what you do: “Oops, I spilled the water. That’s okay, I’ll clean it up.”
- Role-play simple mistake scenarios with toys or drawings, practicing the 4 skills.
- Use books or videos that show characters handling mistakes kindly.
- Encourage the child to use their preferred communication method to express mistakes and feelings.
What Adults Can Say
- “It’s okay to make mistakes. Everyone does.”
- “Can you show me what happened?”
- “Would you like to try again or do something else?”
- “I like how you told me about the mistake.”
- “Let’s take a deep breath together.”
What to Avoid
- Pressuring the child to fix the mistake immediately.
- Making the child feel bad or ashamed about mistakes.
- Ignoring the child’s feelings or communication attempts.
- Forcing eye contact or speech if the child uses other communication methods.
Real-Life Example
During block play, a child accidentally knocks over a tower. The child says, using their AAC device, “I made a mistake.” An adult responds kindly, “That’s okay! Everyone makes mistakes. Would you like to build it again or try a different game?” The child smiles and chooses to build again, feeling supported and understood.
Key Takeaway
Handling mistakes kindly and communicating about them helps children build confidence, resilience, and positive social connections. Supporting your child with patience, respect, and practical strategies makes these moments opportunities for growth.
How does your child usually respond to mistakes during play? What helps them feel safe and supported?
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